The one that made me cry

I've just finished cleaning the kitchen and am about to take the boys to a friend's house for a playdate. I had a couple of minutes so I checked my email, etc. and found this poem in a comment on a friend's blog (a blog you should read, by the way). It made me cry. I could go on and on about it but, like I said, we've a playdate to attend. So you read it and you probably won't need me to explain to you why it tugged on my heartstrings.

Song for a Fifth Child

by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

No Facebook = More Blogging

I'm taking a Facebook hiatus for a while so I guess that means I'll be blogging more. I have to get my thoughts out there somehow! I don't really know if anyone is reading this blog on any kind of regular basis at all but any of you who have spent any time with me know that I have a very difficult time keeping my thoughts to myself. So....without Facebook to tell the world about what I'm thinking, I'll put it on here. And if no one reads it, that's OK; I've still put it out there.

First up: The Business of Being Born. I watched that movie last night for the first time. It's a documentary about the birthing "business" in the United States. It goes through some of the history of prenatal care, obstetrics, hospital policies, etc. The movie gives a lot of statistics regarding the infant mortality rate in the US as compared to other similar countries (a statistic which is quite depressing, actually...we're behind Cuba for goodness' sake) and also the amount of money we spend on prenatal/obstetric health care as compared to those countries. Unless the movie is telling a blatant lie, those numbers are also embarrassing because we spend so much more than other countries yet have a much poorer showing for the money spent. The movie also talks a lot about interventions during childbirth and how one thing can lead to another, and it also talks about c-section rates in various parts of the country (some parts of NYC are nearly 50%).

I found it very, very interesting. Yes, it is one-sided, but not in a way I found annoying. The reason I didn't find it annoying is that it's really speaking to a particular audience. The movie doesn't advocate for every woman who is having a child to have a home birth. Yes, of course they like home births, and even prefer them, but only for the right patients. In no way do they suggest that women with any compromising situations, or babies in compromising situations including breech presentation, should have a home birth.

The movie does advocate, however, that all women become knowledgeable about their options. This was my problem with my first birth. I went to the doctor and trusted that she was going to do what was best for my baby and me, never expecting her to do what was best for her schedule. There were many signs along the way that, had I been more knowledgeable, I would have noticed. The real kicker, though, was the elective (on her part) induction that she wanted done at midnight. Now please tell me why it is better for either me or my baby to be induced at midnight. It isn't! But it was better for her. I could labor all night, she could come and deliver the baby before her office opened in the morning, and she wouldn't have to have the inconvenience of delivering a baby during office hours. Unfortunately it didn't work that way and by the end of things I was up for two days straight. That's how I met motherhood (exhausted!!!). After that experience I decided things would change. My next two experiences (and hopefully my fourth) have been much, much better. I knew what I wanted. I knew what kind of doctor I wanted, and I knew that I had the power to choose what happened to me.

All in all, The Business of Being Born is a great movie if for no other reason that it really gets women and their husbands thinking about what kind of birth experience they want. It (hopefully) encourages them to become informed of their options, the possible consequences of those options, and it empowers them to know that this is their baby and their birth and they have the choice to make it happen how they want it.

On Turning 30

So I'll be 30 in two months. This seems like it's supposed to be a pretty big milestone in most people's lives. I will admit that I have been thinking about it off and on since I turned 29 last May. For the most part, I'll be glad to be 30. I've felt 30 for a while now. I remember glancing at an article in a magazine about "Beauty in your 20s, 30s, and 40s." I instinctively turned to the section on the 30s when I realized I was only 28. I guess having children has aged me. :)

Another thing I'm finding interesting about my looming 30th birthday is that I am much more aware of who I am and what I like and dislike. Here are two examples.

I freely admit now that I do not like shorts. I have disliked shorts for most of my life but it's hard to swim upstream when everyone else wears shorts in the summer. Last summer I avoided it most of the time by wearing skirts, but unfortunately there are times that only shorts will do (and since I also loathe being hot I can't just wear pants in the summer). Same with jeans. It feels so weird to admit that I don't particularly like jeans since to say so is practically anti-American. But it's true. I own several pairs because sometimes it's just the most appropriate thing to wear, and they're not horrible, but I will take yoga pants any day of the week over jeans.

I also hate bell peppers. I have never felt the need to like them, but I also always just avoided the subject. Now I'm ok with the fact that I don't like them. I like plenty of other vegetables so I feel no need to force myself to enjoy bell peppers.

The strangest thing about turning 30, though, is that even though ten years ago this is certainly not how I envisioned my life to be at 30, I can't quite come up with that I did think was going to be happening. I guess if you had asked me I would have said I'd be married (hopefully!), teaching full-time, and maybe have a child. If you had told me I'd be pregnant with my fourth child on my 30th birthday I would have laughed until my gut split in half. But that's how the LORD works, and I'm glad his plans are always better than mine.

All in all I'm not at all worried about turning 30. I know it's traumatic for some people but I am really enjoying the fact that I am becoming more and more who God has made me to be. I'm glad my marriage is more mature and is growing deeper roots every day. I'm glad I have three little boys and one little gender-yet-unknown that I can cuddle on the couch while watching Thomas & Friends. And the fact that 30 is much more exciting that I'd imagined makes me look forward to 40 (though I'm glad it won't come for another ten years!).

Jimmy's Grandparents

I love Jimmy's grandparents. I have only known them for about 7 years but I really feel like I have known them for much, much longer. I loved them instantly and they at least let me believe that the feelings are mutual :) The first time I ever met them Jimmy and I had just arrived at the bus station in their city and they were coming to pick us up. I saw them walking into the bus station holding hands. What's not to love?! In the 7 years that I have known them they have been a wonderful example of life-long love and commitment through hard times and good. They are devoted to God above all, and each other next. What's the secret to their marital bliss? Well I guess a lot of things, but mostly that they love God most and each other next like I already said! And it doesn't hurt that they play two games of Scrabble together each night (and boy, are they competitive!). There are so many things I could say....this could be a very long blog post. But, my eyes are already teary thinking about them, and I hadn't planned to write a long blog post so my brain is scrambled just thinking about them.

A couple of weeks ago they celebrated their 65th wedding anniversary. We were sad we couldn't go, but of course we celebrated with them from afar. Last week I received a letter from Jimmy's grandmother and in it she included a newspaper clipping with this poem on it, and it fits them so well I just had to blog about it. Not that they'll ever read the blog, but I have a feeling they'll hear about it :)

Candleglow by Mary E. Pettengill, Santa Barbara

Love is not only for the very young.
The new-lit candle burns so warm and bright
But, after it's been burning for awhile,
Settles to a glow of richer light.
And so with love. When two as we
Share plans, dream dreams, and weather storm,
Wet by spring's rain, and chilled by winter's wind,
Find the selfsame sunshine keeps us warm.
Thus we know that love grows richer with the years,
Mellowed and made stronger by each passing day.
Such is my deepening love for you,
A candle lighted long ago, seems lighted yesterday.

Now, by request, here are some pictures of the cute couple. The first one is of them with our older two boys in the summer of 2010, and the second one is the same summer and I added it because it captures Jimmy's grandmother perfectly with that beautiful smile and look of pure delight when with her family :)

You probably already know...

...but in case you don't, we're expecting baby Brock #4 in September! We're really excited. This pregnancy has felt completely different than my previous three. First of all, I'm (mostly) a functional human in the evenings. I don't usually get morning sickness, it's more like afternoon and evening sickness. With the other three it was so bad I usually couldn't even sit upright without feeling completely nauseous. This time, however, I can go a whole day without a nap and still feel like a normal person in the evenings. That's a HUGE blessing because who wants to be sick? Also, Jimmy works in the evenings usually. Not every evening, but on the days he does it would be pretty awful if I could only lie on the couch. The boys aren't really old enough to put themselves to bed yet :) Also this time I've got acne like I'm 15. It's really weird. The last three times I could count on pregnancy to give me great skin. Not this time. And a couple of weeks ago I just bought eye cream for the first time. As my friend put it, it's not fair to have zits and wrinkles at the same time! I told her my routine was put on the benzoyl peroxide (for the acne) and then the eye cream. Really? Those two things just shouldn't go together.

We don't know the gender of this baby yet, but I am hoping he/she will cooperate and I'll be able to find out at my next doctor's appointment on March 28. I'm pretty lucky in that my doctor does an ultrasound at every visit so hopefully he'll be able to tell me then (I'll be 15.5 weeks). I'll definitely update when I find out!

Please pray for my good friends

Since our lives are rather boring (but somehow filled to the brim) these days, I'm not going to talk about us. I'd like to use this post to bring to your attention a beautiful family in our neighborhood who could really use your prayers and support.

Jim and Jodi moved to our neighborhood as Jim started seminary full-time in the summer of 2009. They are a beautiful couple and in August of that year had Ellie. Soon after Ellie was born they realized that Ellie had very serious acid reflux. This has caused her much, much pain. Ellie's response to the pain has been to stop eating. At 19 months, she relies on a G Tube (a surgically implanted feeding tube) for the majority of her nutrition. Jim and Jodi have an excellent GI specialist who has been practicing for 20+ years. She says Ellie is the most severe case she has ever had. At one point (before the G tube was put in last summer), Ellie did not gain weight for several months. There are times that, had the LORD not intervened, she would have experienced organ failure because she had such a tiny amount of fat surrounding her organs. Thanks be to Him, He has protected her (to the amazement of her doctors) and used the G Tube to make her a healthy little girl.

All along, Jim and Jodi have prayed that Ellie would eventually wean herself off of the G Tube. They were hoping she would desire to start eating as her acid reflux has gotten less severe (though there are still flare-ups). What they have learned is that it will probably not happen this way. We don't want to put limits on what the LORD can do, but all evidence suggests that in the normal course of things, at this point it will require an intervention for Ellie to wean from the tube. Children who rely on a G tube for feedings don't really learn what hunger is or that eating is essential to answer the hunger pain. Jim and Jodi have found a program in Austria that specializes in weaning children from G tubes. They also have an internet-based support program because they have realized they are some of the only people in the world who specialize in this particular area. The internet-based program has had a 100% success rate in getting children weaned off the tubes. Jim and Jodi have prayerfully considered the program and, with the consultation of some of the specialists in Austria, have decided to go forward with the internet-based support program (and not the inpatient program in Austria).

This is going to be a very trying time for their family. Basically, they are going to have to let Ellie learn what hunger is and show her that eating is the only way to solve the pain, and that it's a good thing. This could potentially be an extremely difficult time emotionally and physically for the whole family.

Please click here to read Jodi's blog to learn more.

Also please pray for their daughter, Charlotte who is 4 months old. She also has severe acid reflux which causes her much pain. So far, she has not responded in the same way as Ellie and continues to eat. But Charlotte also has at least a soy and possibly a dairy sensitivity and so eating can be very, very painful for her. Please pray that she will be healed. And pray that in the meantime the medications she is taking will begin to work more.

Also pray for sleep for the whole family. Ellie has never needed much sleep which is exhausting for Jodi who stays home with the girls. Jim is a full-time seminary student and also works part-time. Neither of the girls have great sleep which really takes its toll on the family. So pray that their family is full of rest, especially once they start this program with Ellie.

Thanks for taking the time to read this and lift up this beautiful family in prayer and support.

No, we haven't died. Yes, I have changed the background of the blog. Yes, I'm going to post soon :)